What is and what should be
by AllTimeNatalie
Summary: Julian has to decide who's more important, his family or his best friend but things are made a lot harder when Noel ends up in hospital and needs Julian more than ever. Nolian, T for language, gets funnier as it goes along.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Noel and Julian are their own people and I don't own them. **

**Summary: Julian has to decide who's more important, his family or his best friend but things are made a lot harder when Noel ends up in hospital and needs Julian more than ever. Nolian**

**Title: What is and what should be**

**A/N: I know you shouldn't write real life but I can't help it. You're all light hearted people though who'll let this go though right? Thanks, review if you can pleeeease. **

**Chapter 1- Build Me Up and Break Me Down **

"Ju?" Noel appeared in the doorway and smiled at Julian.

"Hey, I was wondering when you were gonna get here." Julian stood from his seat and tightly hugged him before returning to his seat and picking up his notepad. "So I've been thinking and, for the show, how about Bob Fossil gets kidnapped by the Hitcher who then locks him in a cupboard filled with eels?" Noel nodded and sat cross-legged on the floor.

"Hmm, sounds good." Noel giggled playfully at Julian's face as it contorted into different emotions, from quizzical to amused to disturbed.

"What?" Julian looked down at him; his sparkly, tiny eyes shimmered in the dim light of the studio.

"You, you berk, you look well funny when you're thinking." Julian chuckled and hit Noel playfully on the head with notepad that read 'Ideas' but was otherwise blank. "I'm hungry." Noel mumbled and stood, brushing his pants off and disappearing.

"Bring me something." Julian shouted and waited for him to reply. A long pause was taken before Noel finally shouted back.

"No." Julian rolled his eyes but grinned when he appeared again with two sandwiches. "Right, ideas, how about Howard and Vince have to fight off robotic whales that take them to an underground lair and they find Old Gregg who tries to rape Howard but fails when he realises he doesn't have the appropriate organ to allow this to happen?" Howard nodded and pondered the idea.

"We could but that'd mean you'd have to be in two places at once. But saying that it works when we do it with Tony Harrison," Julian scribbled it down and tapped his pen on the marked paper.

"Ooh, what about Saboo and Tony find something that unleashes a demon that kidnaps Naboo and Bollo and the lot have to save him?" Again he nodded and began to scribble before drawing a terrible picture of Naboo being eaten by a demon that looked like Brian Ferry. "That's not a demon, that's Brian Ferry." Julian turned it upside down and frowned.

"Now it looks like a demented dolphin." Julian raised an eyebrow and let a dry laugh escape his throat.

"How does that work? From Brian Ferry to a demented dolphin, our show is so normal." Noel smirked and jumped onto the seat next to him. "My legs were going numb." He mumbled and stared down at the paper. Julian stared at him, his tiny eyes moving up and down his body that curved against the chair. He felt his glares weigh him down and make him feel heavy. "Uh, maybe we should try writing some crimps like the one about a…" Before he could finish, Julian closed the gap between them and pushed their lips together. Noel's eyes widened in shock before fluttering shut. He began to kiss Julian back but bit his lip hard, forcing him to pull away. "What the… how the… what?" Julian thought up several sentences that would suffice but he couldn't speak them.

"I dunno I just… It just… happened." Finally, the words tumbled over each other as they poured from his mouth. "Noel I…" He stopped, it wasn't the first kiss they'd shared but it was so unexpected. "I'm sorry." He mumbled and tried to run away until Noel grabbed his arm hard and pulled him back.

"Stay, please." Julian stared at him and closed his eyes as Noel's lips brushed his and lingered just touching them. So many thoughts ran through his head. The main thought was Julia and their kids. He had a family, he couldn't play around anymore, he'd decided to settle down and seal the deal with his beautiful and wonderful children and he didn't want them to remember daddy as the asshole that cheated on their mother.

"I can't." Julian slurred as he pulled away and met Noel's gorgeous blue eyes. "I want to but I've got a family, I've got a wonderful girlfriend and two amazing children and they need me." Noel's eyes dropped to the floor until they finally met his again. "Say something please?" Noel sighed and shrugged.

"You're right, we're two grown men, we know better than to play around right? I mean God, how stupid would that be?" Julian nodded and stood. "See ya Ju."

"Yeah, see you around. We'll have to meet up sometime." Noel nodded wordlessly until he finally spoke. Julian lingered in the doorway.

"Ju? Julia's lucky, she's lucky to have you. Tell the boys 'hi' from uncle Noel." Julian bit his lip and watched as Noel stood from his seat and picked up his bag before tripping over a keyboard lead and falling on the floor. "Fuck!" Noel screamed and crashed into a heap on the floor. Julian chuckled and held a hand out. "Cheers mate." Noel blushed, a fresh colour of rose stretching into his pale skin.

"S'ok." Julian stared at their hands still joined.

"Seriously Julian, she doesn't know how lucky she is, I would give anything to be in a relationship with someone as caring and sweet as you." This time, it was Julian that began to blush. "But like you said, you've got a family and I don't wanna ruin that." Noel slackened his grasp on Julian's hand and let it fall next to him.

"Noel, wait." He turned as for the last time, Julian pressed their lips together and wrapped his arms around his waist. For one second, he forgot about Julia and the kids, for one second, all that mattered was Noel and that moment. Mike appeared in the doorway and straightened his turban. They were about to rehearse and he was going to find them to remind them. He coughed, they didn't respond, he coughed a bit louder, they pulled away.

"Mike!" Mike smiled appreciatively. It was nice to know they had enough decorum to put their tonsil tennis game on hold to listen to him.

"Thanks, uh you're needed on set." Both blushed and noticed a smirk slide onto Mike's face. "So, practicing the 'Party' episode were we?"

"Don't start." Noel mumbled and pushed past his brother, knocking his turban off as he did.

"You can almost feel the awkwardness in here." Mike grinned and followed them both to the set.

To Be Continued…

**A/N: Okay, hope you liked chapter one. And I'll update soon. :-) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Noel and Julian are their own people and I don't own them. I don't own anyone else either. **

**Summary: Julian has to decide who's more important, his family or his best friend but things are made a lot harder when Noel ends up in hospital and needs Julian more than ever. Nolian**

**Title: What is and what should be**

**A/N: Please don't tell me off for writing real life but it's a passion! I can't help it. :P Thanks for the reviews as well and sorry for the uber long wait. **

**Chapter 2- Your love is where I'm falling. **

Julian stared at the empty walls of his rented apartment. This time, Julia had decided to stay at home in Leeds and the flat gave him an opportunity of peace… an opportunity he was reluctant to take advantage of. The dim light of the small, red desk lamp cast a shadowy, tinted haze onto the wall and the almost silent electrical buzzing of the ancient TV sent him into something of a daze. His phone vibrated on the arm of the chair.

"Hello?" Julian's voice was hopeful; a smile had been plastered on his face ever since he'd discovered who was calling him.

"Hey you, listen I'm bored stiff and there's nothing good on the telly. I was wondering if you know, you fancied some company seen as Julia's not there you must be pretty lonely." Julian smiled against the phone and chewed on his lip.

"Yeah that'll be nice." Julian and Noel said their goodbyes and hung up. Soon after, a soft knock tapped at his door. The black, polished hardwood sung on its hinges and revealed a very beautiful looking Noel. The moonlight cascaded onto his hair and his eyes wandered from the shining silver door number to the way Julian's unshaven stubble defined his chin. Noel didn't speak, simply wrapped his slim arms around his waist and inhaled the familiar scent. Julian wrapped one arm around Noel's waist and with the other pushed the door shut. "Noel…" He mumbled a reply but stayed clamped to his chest. "We should get out of the hallway." Noel stared at the staircase that spiralled up to another hallway; a line of occupied rooms lay opposite him. Julian took his hand and guided him to his apartment. The door to his flat closed behind them and Noel felt completely safe inside his arms.

"I brought a present." Julian stared at the bag containing two beers, a bottle of vodka and some jelly sweets. "It's not much but I was watching Come Dine with Me and they always take gifts so I thought because I came here and it's not my house I should bring…" Julian stared at him, the way his lips moved as he spoke, the way his eyes swelled with guilt at the sudden mention of Julia. He cut him off with a kiss. Noel kissed back, his lips feeling warm against the cold air of the room. Noel stammered the first words until he settled himself down. "I thought I should bring you something."

"Thanks." A silence hung between them. Unsaid words made him stammer until he found his words. "You want a drink?" Noel nodded with a smile. Julian flicked on the heater and peered out the window. Cars with bright headlights flashed through the darkness that seeped in through glass. His curtain fell over the rushing lights. The warm air circulated in and clung to Noel's oversized sweater.

"Julian?" Noel's voice was tiny and almost a whisper.

"Hmm?" Noel appeared in the doorway and wrapped his slim arms around him.

"I'm scared." Julian's eyebrow furrowed with confusion which also came through in his eyes. He heard much more than was said but he needed reassurance that it wasn't what he perceived.

"Of what?" Long pauses of silence welled up lumps in their throats that blocked their words. Noel was choking on the unsaid words that wedged in his throat.

"I'm scared because I know this, us, it's real. I know that it's wrong… but if it is then I don't wanna be right." His eyes were unmoving and emotionless but his voice held all the tones of sadness… but not regret. Julian smiled and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"I know, I know. I don't want this to be something we regret." Noel shook his head and pulled away. Meaningful and concerned glared were exchanged.

"I don't regret us, I could never regret us. I know exactly what we're doing but I don't give a shit. I fucking love you Julian Barratt Pettifer and if you don't say the same right now some deep juju is gonna go down." Noel giggled and rested his head on his chest.

"I fucking love you." Julian repeated. His heart beat out of his chest as though he was terrified of something. "So, so much." Noel closed his eyes and took in the fresh, warm air. Julian tightened his grip around his waist. Noel's hand slid down the slim contours of Julian's arm and took his hand.

"Good." He grinned and squeezed his hand tightly but not too tight to hurt him.

"Drink?" Julian muttered and grabbed a beer with a free hand.

"Haribo?" Noel muttered and grabbed the haribo bag before winking and chewing on a jelly heart.

**A/N: Hope it didn't disappoint and I will update soon. I was so freaking sure I'd updated but I guess not. **


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